The Lost Summer
by banana21yeh
Summary: Bella has everything. The perfect loving husband, two beautiful boys, a lovely home! But when her mother dies and leaves her with a forgotten memory, Bella is forced to remember the past, and man, she'd left behind. Sad and humouress, with some lemons.
1. Chapter 1

**Forgotten Bonds.**

* * *

**Chapter 1 – The funeral.**

I can't say I wasn't saddened by the day. One's mother dying wasn't exactly a memory a daughter wanted to keep dear to her heart. Though it killed me somewhat to feel relieved that _she_ had died. Jacob, my husband, squeezed my hand in a comforting gesture as he noted my pained expression. If only he knew the true reason for that, maybe he wouldn't be so sweet with me.

"I'm sorry for your loss" Yet another shadowed figure said, as they passed me by, with saddened smiles, shaking my hand and nodding in grief. 'I'm sorry for your loss'. What was with that any how? It wasn't as though I'd lost a set of keys or spare change, I hadn't _lost_ my mother, she just died. I couldn't wait for this day to be over. Truthfully I couldn't _stand_ funerals.

"Are you ok?" My good friend of 20 years, Alice asked as she found me lingering outside on the backyard porch. It was winter, and freezing cold outside with the iced over snow covering the ground. I figured no one would come outside for any reason other than to go ice-skating or voluntarily make sure they got pneumonia for Christmas, so I felt safe. But Alice _always_ knew how to find me.

"Yes...I'm fine" I said, forcing a smile from my frozen, chapped lips.

"Bella" She said, with a prompting tone, raising her eye-brow at me as if to remind me she could see right through my bullshit.

"Honestly Alice. You of all people should know I'm ok. It doesn't bother me...even though I know it should" I bemused, puffing on my cancer-stick, and breathing in the wondrous fumes that filled my body with a quick-stress-fix-it juice.

"Yes...I know. You just seem distant that's all. As though your mind is somewhere distressing. Anything happen at home that I should know about? Things are ok with Jacob and the kids right?" She pressed, her face so full off concern as though I were one of those domestic-abused-housewives in a country/western song.

"No, not at all. Everything is _fine_ at home" Huge emphasis on the fine. Jacob was a loving husband. Caring, faithful, helpful around the house, great with the kids, and loved the bones off me. True he was no James Bond or Dallas Winston. His kisses didn't make my blood boil, and his over the dinner table anecdotes and funny jokes didn't make me want to laugh out loud in hysterics but he was a good husband. And _that_ was the problem!

"Then what is it Bella? You can't hide from me you know. You forget I _know_ you better than you know yourself. Please tell me what it is" She pushed. I pondered over whether I should let her in to my little land of secrets, but opted for the escape plan instead.

"I guess it's just the wrong time of the month. Stress of the funeral, and the fact the boys are so grown up now they need even more attention and running around after" I said, praying she would accept that and leave me in peace to revel in my thoughts. Her face was questioning for a brief moment, before her lips creased into and accepting smile, and her hand moved to pat me on the back.

"They say after birth it gets easier with the kids..._they_ were wrong!" She laughed, shaking her head at the memory of her own two boys. I forced a little laugh along with her, and promised I'd come inside soon, turning back to face the world in front of me. So distant and unreachable. 'The grass is always greener on the other side' I said to myself, sighing in frustration, and taking one last puff of my cancer stick, before flicking it into the ice.

"It was a beautiful service" Jacob said to me as we entered our home, and placed our coats neatly in the closet.

"Yes it was" I agreed, going over in my head the huge to-do-list I had waiting for me to straight jump into.

"I told Victoria the boys could stay with her tonight. Thought we'd just spend some time alone. Me and you time" He said, smiling pleadingly at me. I pushed the corners of my mouth up, and cocked my head to the side. He knew instantly what I was about to do. Disappointing him was my trademark, my speciality.

"I have so much to do before the boys come home tomorrow. There's all the stuff to get ready before they go back to school, plus they haven't even _started_ their holiday homework yet. I've got a ton of paperwork to shift through, and the kitchen is in a complete war-zone state. I'm sorry Jacob" I said, truthfully sorry that I couldn't be that 'Stepford wife' for him. The one that could do everything, have the house spotless and sparkling, have all the jobs for the kids done and dusted, and then have all the time in the world left to pleasure her husband. It just wasn't possible. I wasn't superwomen, and even if I did have time to spare at the end of the day, the chores I'd just encountered rendered me exhausted and energy-lacking. I felt bad of course, I know how much he longed for us to make love again. It had been a dry spell of 5 months. But it didn't mean I loved him any less. I just...didn't have the time any more.

"That's ok" He said putting on a brave front. "We will have _plenty_ of time together on our holiday next month" He perked up then, as he sat in his rocking chair, and kicked off his shoes, and cosily placed his grandpa slippers on his freakishly large feet.

"Yes" I said, forgetting _completely_ we'd booked that holiday to Italy. I left him to delve into his newspaper, _always_ the sports section, and made a start on the kitchen. Something the reverend had said at the Church was still plaguing me. "Renee was a kind, loving mother, whose only true want in life was to see her children grow up into the wonderful people that they are". _Right_ I muttered under my breath, as I scrubbed furiously at the mouldy pots. Of _course_ she'd want the reverend to say that. Renee didn't want to look bad in front of the 'social elite' as they called themselves, although really they just shopped at gap and pretended it was all _'designer wear from Paris'._ Renee had been anything but a good mother. You only had to look at my sister, Rosalie, to see that. Rosalie, being much older than me by 5 years, had been so troubled by our childhoods with our mother, that she'd never quite found peace with herself. Even now, aged 33, she still wandered the streets like a lost soul, moving from one job to the next, and never quite holding down a 'normal' relationship for more than a month or two. It always worried me, because she had been my rock when we'd been growing up. A substitute mother, when she really should have been allowed to be a child. Renee's constant abandonment, and rash decisions in life left us in quite an abnormal state of living, and even though Rosalie had tried shielding me from the pain she carried day in day out, I still felt affected.

* * *

**23 years ago**

* * *

It all started when I was 5 years old. Mom decided she couldn't _stand_ to look at our father's face any longer, and upped and left for Canada for what she called _'rest bit' _in Canada for a little while. Our father, Charlie, promised us she'd only be gone a short while, and we were not to worry, it'd be like she'd never left.

"She's never coming back is she?" I asked Rosalie, tugging at her pretty butterfly dress. It was her 10th birthday, a big deal for her because she'd finally turned double-numbers. But she stared at her ruined face in the mirror, tears hovering at the cove's off her eyes, with dark circles starting to form around them, as after 5 months of no letters, no phone calls, or visits, _she_ still hadn't returned. She hadn't even bothered to wish Rosalie a happy birthday in any way shape or form. Rosalie wiped her face and turned to me with a loving smile that held so much anguish behind it it made me cry now to think about.

"Yes...she is" She said with as much enthusiasm in her voice as she could muster. "She's coming home right now. She's just so far away Bells, it takes a _very_ long time to get here, but she's trying" And like the soft, gullible little girl I was, I believed her. Of course she returned, 3 months later with an Italian male painter stuck to her hip like she'd all of a sudden turned into a Siamese twin.

"This" She slurred, with a clear mix of brandy and rum on her breath "is Caius. Caius s-meet my girls". I looked up at Caius, confused and disoriented. Who was this man that stood tall above me. He had long blonde hair, and a sharp, rusty tan, and his eyes spoke of many myths and stories, but yet I couldn't help but feel like punching him in the balls. Rosalie managed to grab my little tiny fist before I could knock the man, who'd taken our mother away, out of his socks. She smiled encouragingly at me and then turned to glare a scornful look towards this stranger. He held out his hand for her to shake, grinning like some wild, over-the-top idiot on speed. She took it, unwillingly, and then flashed him a cunning, sly smile, tightening her fist around his hand too much, and causing him discomfort.

"Wow...you have one hell of a handshake there" He said laughing it off, and looking around awkwardly.

"So what did I miss?" Our mother asked in her baby-ish tone, clapping her hands together, and looking down on us as if we were both 5 year olds, with the brain capacity of a mouse!

"My birthday" Rosalie said, with hatred and resentment behind her brave eyes. I reached my little hand out and slid it into her bigger hand in comfort. She looked down at me, and smiled kindly, and I beamed back at her with all the love and sunshine I could muster.

"Oh..." Our mother said, shock in her voice and face as she stood up, and tried to remember what day it was. "Oh no! I'm so sorry Rosalie" She said finally, leaning back down to meet Rosalie's gaze, and pulling the best 'puppy-dog' face she could. Rosalie swung her body from side to side, pursing her lips as she considered this plea from our mother. And then after what seemed like hours of silence Rosalie jumped up, and wrapped her arms around mother's neck, kissing her cheek, and showing her complete forgiveness. I jumped up and down clapping in excitement, so glad we had her back finally, and then I dove at her feet, hugging them close to my chest. Mom let out the giddiest laugh, as she fought to stay breathing at our complete suffocation of her. We were all happy again, she was back for good and would never leave us again. At least that's what we thought.

* * *

**Present day**

* * *

"MOMMY!" My two boys exclaimed as they came scrambling through the door and ran into my waiting arms. I smiled lovingly as they wrapped their teeny-tiny arms around me, and clung to me just like we'd done with my mother that day she'd returned. I thought to myself in those few seconds of joy, that I could _never_ leave my boys under any circumstances, and still fought to understand why our mother had done that to us. My eldest boy, James, was 6 years old, and bursting full of energy that even his after school football classes, and weekend treasure hunting trips didn't stop the buzzing. He was a proper man's, man, loved everything boisterous, and mischievous, and absolutely _hated_ girls, excluding me and Victoria of course, since he couldn't lift out skirts up in public on purpose _without_ being sent to bed with no supper. He'd ordered his room to be painted royal blue, with coverings of poster's and pictures of famous footballers, and rugby players, even his bedsheets _had_ to be manly! I let Jacob sort all that out. My knowledge with boys was lacking somewhat, since I had always been very girlie and feminine. But James put up with my flimsy-girlie ways, and still would hug me, and kiss my cheek like the sweet little son he was. I wondered how much longer that would last, before I wasn't allowed to even go 5 feet near him, let alone cuddle him. My youngest boy, Paul, was very much the opposite. At 4 years old, going on 24, he was extremely studious, and sensible that sometimes I could of sworn he was much smarter than me. At the dinner table, or during our little chats he would constantly correct me on my speech, or way of manner, and I had to laugh.

"If your not careful you'll end up being a child, and him the parent" Jacob had whispered to me one night, after Paul had screamed in frustration because I couldn't understand Shakespeare's writings, and it infuriated him to try and explain. But like any other 4 year old, he needed his mother, and would constantly run into my arms if he'd fallen down or hurt himself, crying and pleading for my care. The Thomas the tank engine plaster's, and kiss it all better worked a treat with him, and it was nice sometimes to see the little boy inside of him. I really loved them both, _so_ much, that it pained me to think of what might happen in the next few months. After all...nothing good was coming, nothing good at all!


	2. Chapter 2

**(Author's note: Just a quick note to say, no, no vampires in this one :) The next one will have them in, but this is just a classic, sad love story, with humour in too. :D Hope you all enjoy it, and please review. xoxo)**

**Chapter 2 – The letter.**

Two days prior to my mother's funeral I received that _dreaded_ letter. I hadn't wanted to open it, since it was probably a long laundry list of all the terrible things I had done to her as a child. Could she blame me and Rosalie for how we had acted? Well she did, that much was for sure, and I just couldn't bare reading her last words, that would probably go something like "I'm sorry you weren't better daughters, if I had to have one-do-over it would have been never to have had either of you". She'd let us know countless times we weren't good enough. Oh boy did we know that!

* * *

**22 years ago**

* * *

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY BELLA!" The whole room elated, as I glacially stepped through the doors of our living room, into a crowd full of family and friends. Rosalie had dressed me in a hot, pink fairy dress, that bunched up at the bottom like a tutu and had a picture of an angel on top part. She plated my hair into pigtails, covered my legs in thick, white tights, and given me my first pay of little silver heels, training ones for 6 year olds. I should have been happy. I should have been excited that my dad was throwing me my first big birthday party, even though he'd just lost his job, and our finances had been anything but glossy. There was a huge, pink, white and silver princess cake that had been done to perfection. It looked delicious, and elegantly put together. No one in our family were great cooks, so I knew my father had to have had it made specially, which would of cost him. The table had been covered in pink and silver silk clothes, with pictures of angels and fairies, and princess' all over, and there were pink balloons at every corner of the room. There was a feast of _gorgeous_ party food, all the kinds of things kids would dream of eating, pink jelly, mini sausages, mini choc-chip cookies (which were my favourite), vanilla and chocolate ice cream, sausage rolls, and finely cut mini sandwich's which had been shaped to look like stars and hearts. So much had been put in to make this a great 6th birthday, but I still cried. Not even the sight of hundreds of pretty wrapped presents under the table was enough to bring me happiness on this sad day. And why? Because _she_ left again, but this time she told us she would never be coming back.

"There arguing again" I said to Rosalie as I tugged at the hem her brown skirt, and cushioned my head into her arm.

"Shhh" She said wrapping her arm around me, and pulling me close. "Don't listen to them" and then without warning she shot up off the bed and rummaged through the draws of our room, searching desperately for something. I watched, curiously, as she pulled out our tiny silver torch and came running back to our bed with huge smiles across her face. "Get under the covers" She ordered, beaming with excitement. I looked at her for a second, a little puzzled, but the child inside of me quickly shot into exhilaration. I jumped up and wrapped the sheet across me as she climbed in the other side, and lifted the sheet above our heads creating a little secret cave. She lit the torch, as we sat facing each other, legs crossed, and knees touching. Then she delved into the most riveting story about magical lands, and mystical creatures. I ooed and ahed as she went on, the story so fantastic I'd completely forgotten that our parents were having a scream fest below us. And when the story finished, happily of course with the mystical princess marrying the dashing, young dark and handsome prince and living happily ever after, I felt satisfied and full of happiness again. It wasn't hard for her to be happy in my presence, and force that smile she always did to protect me from the pain and anguish she was really feeling. But even she couldn't stop the hurt my mother caused straight after.

Our mother came bustling through out bedroom door, tears streaming down her red, angered face and yelled at us to get out from under the sheets.

"STOP PLAYING GAMES!" She yelled, pacing back and forth in the room.

"Bella..." Rosalie whispered into my ear, as my face was scared and stunned by my mothers outburst of anger. "Go into the garden, I'll be out in a minute" She ordered, trying to me away from the scene.

"NO! Stay where you are both of you" Mother screamed again, her face hardened as though we'd just something really naughty and we were about to be punished.

"What is it mommy?" I asked, shoving my thumb into my mouth to suck, like I did when I felt nervous and scared.

"I'm leaving" She said bluntly and with no feeling behind her hardened eyes. "I _have_ to get out of this shitty town! It's suffocating me, to the point I can no longer stand to breath here. I'm sorry but...I just can't be your mother any more. It's too painful and too difficult, I can't handle it. You'll be all right here with your dad. I'll keep in touch by phone and letter, but please try to understand I _have_ to leave!" She said, with not even a single tear in her eye. I could feel the cold stab of water that now poured from my eyes, freezing into my cheeks. Rosalie had stiffened on the bed, full of anger and hatred, and refused to beg her to stay. But how could I not? I climbed off the bed and ran after my mother, wrapping my arms around her legs as she pulled me behind her.

"GET OFF BELLA!" She screamed trying to pry my little hands away, that were now clawed into her skin, like a crab that wouldn't let go of his meal.

"Please mommy!" I begged. "Please don't leave us again mommy. I promise I'll be good. I promise I won't play games. If you stay I won't suffocate you any more. Please mommy please" I continued, crying hysterically at the thought of losing my mother whom I loved so much. Finally, with brute force, she pried my hands away and pushed me to the side.

"I _have_ to go! No matter what you do it won't make a difference, I just can't be here with you any more" And then she left, as my father, Charlie, came running up behind me and cradled me into his arms. I cried for hours and hours, pain seething through every part of me. She'd left because of me. Her words _'I just can't be here with you any more'_ kept ringing through my head like a broken record. When I finally stopped crying my father put me to bed, and kissed my forehead.

"Don't worry princess! Everything is going to be all right. You'll see. We can manage just the three of us. The three musketeers" He said with emphasis on the musketeers, to try and make it sound as though it were a fun adventure, rather than a tragic loss.

"Will she come back for my birthday? I'm turning this many" I said gesturing with my hand the number 6 with exaggeration. It was a big deal for me, every year that I grew older, it was like a big huge step to becoming a grown up. My father let out a saddened smile, and brushed a strand of my hair back as he spoke.

"I don't know princess. I hope so" And then he kissed my head again, turning my bedside lamp off and exiting the room. I listened that night to the sniffing and cries that came from Rosalie's bed. She too was upset, but I felt too exhausted to run over to her and within seconds I was fast asleep dreaming of my mother returning on my birthday, with presents and sorry smiles in hand.

As I stood crying at all the faces who were so happy to celebrate my birthday, Rosalie knelt down to took my face in her hands.

"Smile Bella. It's a happy day. Everyone here loves you _so_ much, show them you love them too and smile. Your a princess today after all, and what do princess' always do?" She asked, as though she were my teacher, but still with a soft, sweet tone.

"They always smile" I replied, and she grinned at me willingly, as I raised the corners of my mouth to the whole of the room. I enjoyed the day after that...but my mother would not return for 7 more years.

* * *

**Present day**

* * *

"You really should open the letter Bella" Alice encouraged, the morning of the day of the funeral. "It might not be what you think"

"Have you read it?" I said sarcastically, a little too snappy than I'd meant it to sound.

"No, but _you_ should. Come on, how will you ever know what her _real_ last words were if you don't open it. At least this way you can be prepared for the worst so there won't be any surprises" She said, and truthfully she was right. I sighed defeated and nodded in agreement. "I'll leave you to it. I need to go make sure Emmett is ready to go any how, but call me if you need me, and I'll be here later as you know" She smiled, pulling me into a comforting hug and then exiting the house to go meet her lazy, but funny as hell off a husband. I placed the letter down in front of me and stared at it for a while. Come one, I said to myself, what could she possibly say that could hurt you even more than she already has? I left it sitting on the table as I went to go get changed for the funeral, in my newly bought black dress. Jacob was out dropping the boys off at Victoria's, so I had enough time to myself, as I crushed my hands into my head and thought about those agonising last 2 months, watching as my mother deteriorated into nothing. I remembered what doctor Carlisle had said, those months ago.

"The disease has spread. She doesn't have long left now". Jacob of course being the man that he was, wrapped his arm around my waist in comfort, ready to console the tears he had expected to come. But I didn't feel sad. Yes I loved her, but in a way it was sort of a relief. Over a year ago she'd contracted aids through one of her many partners she'd had over the years. She'd refused any help or medication and just wanted to be left alone to die peacefully in the bedroom of her overly large home which she'd stolen from one of her many divorces. Rosalie refused to go and see her, but I made sure that I went to her regularly, because she was...after all, my mother and I couldn't just leave things up in the air. We never spoke about the past, because the past was too painful, but nearer the end I saw something glinting at the surface of her eyes, like she was desperate to tell me something, but couldn't brave the words. In the end she passed away, two days after my 28th birthday. Then a week later I got the letter in the post. Her final words. Typical of her really, backing of from telling me to my face, but yet something about what that letter could hold bothered me. She'd been desperate to tell me something, something about my past that we all wanted to forget, and that was too much to bear. But, as I sucked in a large breath, I made my way back downstairs and ripped open the dreaded letter.

_Dear Bella,_

_Edward Cullen_

_45 Dawn road,_

_Forks,_

_Washington,_

_NE36 2JN_

And that was it. No message from her. No final words. Just an address. And a dangerous one at that. Reading his name brought back so many floods of memories I had just wanted to bury deep, and set alight on fire. It was a _nasty_ thing for her to do on a day like this. I just couldn't..._would not_ go back to that place. Because to even say his name, burned my throat and tore my heart to pieces once again. Edward Cullen. The first man I ever _truly_ loved. And the last.


	3. Chapter 3

**(Author's note: I just realised that on the first chapter the story is entitled 'Forgotten bonds'. That was the original name for the story, but I thought it was lame so changed it to 'The lost summer'. Sorry about that guys lol, I can't change it now but just to let you know :) enjoy this chapter and please don't forget to review xx)**

**Chapter 3 – Pandora's box.**

A couple weeks had passed since the funeral, and everything seemed to go back to normal pretty quickly. Christmas had come and gone, the boys were back at school, and Jacob was back working hard as usual. He worked as a mechanic for 'Blacks Mechanics'. His father had left him the business after he died, which was wildly popular, bringing in trade from all over the place. Everybody loved Jacob, he was a lovable person. So why wasn't I happy?

"So what did the letter say?" Alice probed as we sat down to lunch at our favourite little café.

"Oh...nothing important" I said, sipping on my hot chocolate and praying she wouldn't pry for more information.

"You still think you can fool me after all these years?" She said laughing slightly.

"I hate that you know me so well"

"Well what kind of a best friend would I be if I didn't?" I raised my eyebrow at her and rolled my eyes.

"It was just an address...that's all"

"An address? What address?" She asked, baffled.

"For..._someone_. I don't really understand it to be perfectly honest"

"Whose address was it for?" I looked up at her, biting my lip. I really wasn't up for trudging into the past today. Not even just a little bit!

* * *

**15 years ago**

* * *

"Mum's coming back? But how...why?" I ordered, wanting to know why the women who'd I'd begun to forget, had decided to grace us with another visit all these years later.

"I don't know Bella!" My dad said bitterly. "Just eat your breakfast quickly, your late for school" And that was the end of it. As a little girl, he'd endured my tantrums and cries over my mother's abandonment happily. But now I was much older, he never wanted to talk about her. It angered him when I brought her up, Rosalie too hated the topic. So I kept everything bottled up, and prayed one day it'd all make sense. How naïve was I?

"I can't believe she's coming back after all these years!" Alice exclaimed as we walked to first class together. I'd met Alice the first day of high school. I was so incredibly nervous as I glacially entered those tall, steel gates into the school yard, and she came _instantly_ running over to me, as though we'd been long lost friends or something. I had always been an outsider in school, bella-no-mates they used to call me. So it was strange that someone as confident, and glowing as Alice, with her little black, pixie hair cut, and phenomenal taste in fashion, would want to hang around with the likes of me. She never did tell me, maybe it was an instant connection she had felt, or premonition that we would become great friends, but whatever it was she'd been the greatest friend a person could ask for, and most loyal.

"I know. Dad won't even talk about her any more. I know he knows what's going on but he won't tell me and it bugs me. And now Rosalie is away at college I can't even talk to her about it. Not that she would talk to me any way. She _hates_ Renee!" Alice placed her arm around my shoulders and squeezed them comfortingly.

"Don't worry Bells. You've got me, don't forget that. I'll talk to you about it all any time you wish" I smiled gratefully at her. She was a fantastic listener, but truthfully she wasn't the one I wanted to talk to.

"MY GIRLS!" Renee exclaimed as she burst through the door, and almost squashed our cat, Aro. Rosalie and I exchanged a glance. We always knew my mother had been fond of the bottle, which would explain her sometimes flamboyant, reckless nature. But she seemed different somehow. Younger. She'd changed her hair, cropping it into short ringlets, and finishing it off with a more vibrant, blonde colour that glowed in the sunlight. Her skin had seemed to have ironed out her wrinkles, and she seemed to have a glow about her. She dressed very youthful too, a little too youthful for _her_ age! But even with the positive change nor I or Rosalie budged from our positions. After a while Renee's smile deteriorated, and she slowly stood up, looking a little disappointed. "No hugs girls?" She asked after some time, braving a smile. I couldn't see Rosalie's expression, but mine was certainly hardened by her complete lack of realisation or guilt over what she had done. It was as if leaving your kids for 7 years without so much as a phone call or letter (that wasn't a postcard saying your having a whale of a time) was the normal thing to do.

"We're not kids any more mother. You can't just come trailing in and expect everything to be all right just like that!" I spat, pinching my eyes together in a scornful glare. She seemed taken a back by my outburst, but took it as if it were a joke, as a cackle exited her mouth. Rosalie shook her head at her, and crossed her arms. It was then we saw a shadow move from behind Renee.

"Oh girls! I'd like you to meet Felix. This is my _soon_ to be husband" She beamed, expecting us to revel in her joy with her. Wrong again! Rosalie made a scuffled sound, and exited the room in frustration. I turned to go with her but my father stopped me.

"Don't forget your manners Bella" He whispered down to me. I turned to protest but noted the tears hiding behind his glazed eyes. It was hurting him just as much as us to have her here, airing her new man in front of us, and not even apologising for being the worst mother on the planet! So instead I raised the corners of my mouth, and squeezed his hand. He was a great father, considering all Renee had done to him.

"Felix is _wonderful_!" Renee boasted. "You'd _really_ love him! He's a painter you know. And a real talented one at that. If you'd heard some of the stories he's told me..." she burst into another cackle of laughter. "My gosh you'd just die of laughter. He's a real catch...don't you reckon Rose!" She asked, nudging Rosalie in the sides. Rosalie pulled her face up in disdain and turned to flare at Renee.

"It's ROSALIE" She spat, turning back to shove another mouthful of chicken hot pot into her mouth, rather forcefully.

"Oops sorry!" Renee laughed, acting a little childishly. I shook my head in disbelief and turned my attention back to my plate of hardly eaten food.

"Eat up Bella" Charlie encouraged me, forcing a smile out of his angered lips.

"Yes you must eat Bella darling. Your looking a little thin lately. I hope your not developing some _ghastly_, urgent need to look like those dreadful models, like most young girls your age are doing now. It's become somewhat of a 'trend' these days" She bounced on. I was starting to get annoyed at her blatant disregard for everyone in the room.

"You would know!" Rosalie scorned, causing me to spit out my food as I laughed. Renee faked a laugh as a splash of hurt covered her face.

"So..." She began, changing the subject. "Hows school Rose- I mean Rosalie?" Rosalie glared at Renee again, and swallowed her food with distaste in her expression.

"I'm at _college_!" She spat again, clenching her fists together under the table. I could always sense when Rosalie was about to blow. She had a black tint in her eyes, and she flushed a yellow colour in her cheeks. Renee however had a tendency to continue to push buttons, unaware that her daughters could _possibly _ever want to snap their jaws at her.

"Oh...I didn't think you were old enough?" I tsked at her. Charlie shot me a warning glance before I could say something more, but he'd neglected to hold back Rosalie. She shot up from the table, knocking over the chair behind her, and slamming her fist down.

"I guess you wouldn't remember how old I am would you? What with all the time you've spent giving your _body_ to strangers, and whoring about when you _should have been_ looking after your child!" She screamed, her face almost bursting into flames.

"Children" I corrected, glaring at my mother along with her.

"No! Just child. I've _never_ been your child, and I never will be!" Rosalie screamed again in Renee's face, snatching her plate from the table and storming off.

"ROSALIE!" Dad screamed, standing up and running after her. Renee shifted in her chair awkwardly, before getting up and going after Rosalie. I followed behind her.

"Rosalie apologise to your mother!" Dad said, grabbing her by the arm.

"I WILL NOT! She is _not_ my mother" She yelled in his face.

"Rosalie...darling. I know it's been hard on you...me not being here that is. But I want to be here now, for both of you. I love you both! I always have" She said, turning to look at me also. Rosalie laughed in her face.

"Love? Leaving your children is love? No letters, or calls or emails or even a cheap text is love? What kind of home were you brought up in? Well I certainly don't have to stand here and listen to your bullshit any longer! I'm leaving. Let me know dad when the tramp has left...until then _goodbye_" And then she stormed out of the house, slamming the front door behind her.

"She's right dad, it's not fair _her_ being here, stirring up all this trouble again. I'm leaving to!" But before I could make my dramatic exit my mother grabbed my arm and spun me round to face her face.

"Your sister might be able to leave, but you can't, your _far_ to young!" All I could do was stare at her in shock. I wanted to scream at her 'How can you act like my mother now, tell me what to do after 7 years of not even caring?'. I wanted to hit her face, and make her feel the pain we'd all been caused. But I couldn't all I could do was break into tears. Charlie took me out of her clasp and pushed me into a hug, shushing into my ear.

"Renee maybe it's best if you leave...for now" He suggested, stroking the back of my head.

"Leave?! But I just got here. It's clear to me now my girls need me. Look at the state of Rosalie. She's completely out of control. And Bella's going that way too!"

"CAN YOU BLAME HER?" I screamed, slamming my body right around and stomping my foot into the carpet. "We haven't had a mother bringing us up. _You_ left us. You can't just come back into our lives and expect us to act like every thing's ok. And what's worse your not even sorry!"

"UGH! I can't _deal _with this right now. I came back didn't I? Is that not enough? I told you I love you. I want to be part of your life now. The past is the past Bella...let it go. There are a lot of reasons why I left...why I had to leave. But I'm better now...I want to be here, be here for you and Rosalie. Please stop pushing me away. It's not healthy to hold on to grudges"

"But why won't you even say sorry?"

"I can't apologise for something I _needed_ to do Bella. Can't you just let it be? Do you want me to go? I will if you want me" She said, almost like a threat. This sent a shock of panic through me. Yes I hated her, but did I want her to leave? No, of course I wanted her here. I wanted things to go back to normal...but could they? Maybe if she said sorry, maybe if she begged for my forgiveness. But my mother never did this. She _never_ said sorry. Even for what she did to me and..._him_.

* * *

**Present day**

* * *

"Oh my god!" Alice exhausted, reeling from the shock of the name. "I don't understand why she would leave you with this...after all these years"

"I know. I don't it understand myself. It's like she's purposefully trying to dig her claws in from beyond the grave...one last time!"

"But why would she do that? It just doesn't make any sense. Are you a hundred percent sure this is from her?"

"Yes, positive. It's her writing, plus the lawyer handling the will said she'd sent me a letter"

"Hmm" Alice furrowed her brow. "What are you going to do?"

"Nothing! What am I supposed to do?" Alice just shook her head, not knowing herself what to say or do. "It's just typical of her...to drudge up the past. She _knew_ how much..._he_ affected me. She knew what he did. How is this fair?" And as I asked that question over and over in my mind, all I could think about was _him_. It was the past I didn't want to _ever_ remember. But I was going to have to now. Pandora's box had been opened, and there was no closing it now.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 – The past.**

* * *

**13 years ago**

* * *

July 3rd 1996, _that_ summer. It was just another day at school, me, Alice and our friend Angela hanging out in the school's field, eating our lunch and gossiping about absolutely everyone.

"Did you see him?" Angela said, with intrigue and thrill bubbling all over her face. "He's _soooo _hot. Jessica and her merry clan totally think they can score him. I've heard he's not into blondes so much!" She went on.

"I'd pay to see Jess try and get her flirt on with him. _That_ would be hilarious" Alice added as they burst into giggles. I looked up at the both, puzzled.

"Who are you talking about?"

"The new boy!" Angela stated, with a look across her face as if to say 'you should know'.

"Haven't you seen him yet Bells?" Alice asked.

"No..." I answered bluntly, turning my attention back to my scrumptious turkey and mayonnaise sandwich. Newbies never really fazed me. I didn't see the need for all the hysteria over them. Practically any time anyone new came to our school, every single student went berserk. And now a new _boy_ had come...well let's just say the girls at our school weren't exactly what you'd call...rational. It reminded me of the insane hysteria around this book some months back, all these young girls were completely obsessed to the point they actually believed they were _in_ the book. Insanity!

"Just you wait until you do. You'll die of shock...he's _absolutely_ gorgeous!" Angela went on. Her and Alice burst into giggles again, as I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Typical girls!

It was only after lunch, walking to biology with Alice when I saw him. He was walking the opposite way, seeming to have a trail of girls, cooing behind him. His hair was a messy, dark brown with a reddish tint when the sun shone against it. It fell over his face like a mop, and his sideburns were so distinct it made him look so much older. He had sparkling, emerald green eyes, that I'm sure one look from them and you'd be turned to stone, which were covered slightly by his spiky fringe making him that much more inviting and dangerous looking. He wore a slight grin on his perfectly refined face, and juicy, peach lips, and his skin, although pale, stood out against the sun light, like silk you just wanted to reach out and touch. He wore a plane grey t-shirt flashing his toned, strong arms, over black, well fitted jeans that really made his bum look...squeezable! It was true...he was clearly a bad boy. But a divine one at that, so much so I could feel my body pulling towards him, and my mouth hanging at the hinges. It was clear, by his ostentatious, confident grin that he was fully aware of the female attention, and loved _every_ second of it. I stood, practically stuck to the concrete ground, gaping at his sexy, titillating manner, as he glided past me as though I were invisible.

"Bella...Bella!" Alice shook me. "Bella what are you doing? Were going to be late!" She shouted, waking me from my new-boy-totally-crazy-hot trance.

"Sorry!" I said quickly, shaking my head and walking of trying to act at least a tad normal. She looked at me weirdly for a second and then burst into a giggle fit. "What!?" I said, burning red in the cheeks.

"We told you he was hot!"

"Alice, you'll be working with Mike today. We have a new student, and Bella...I'd like you to show him the ropes" Mr Banner informed, without so much as giving us a chance to object or question. Alice shot me a jealous look and then smiled disappointed she had to work with Mike of all people. The class jerk, who everybody hated because of how strange and psychotic he could be. I sat down in my usual spot, shaking with nerves at the prospect I'd have to _actually_ work with this new guy, who had sent arrows to my heart just 5 minutes ago! Just breath Bella, I told myself, wishing that Mr Banner had picked someone else to work with him, and I could just go on being invisible next to Alice. Change was something I loathed, especially drastic changes. I'd been so used to having Alice by my side in most classes, and then Angela in the rest that I'd began to let go off all my anxieties, and could just mould into the background, feeling easy and light. But now that Mr Banner had placed Alice somewhere else, and the _new_ boy next to me (regardless of the fact he was utterly divine) it had shot me back into panic mode. Next thing I know, ten minutes late and wreaking of cigarette smoke and Nina Ricci rip off perfume drenched into his shirt, he glided into the room, holding the smuggest of smiles upon his face and sat down gently next to me. He gave me half a smug glance, raising the corners of his mouth just slightly more up and then dug out his workbook, which had a clearly noticeable sketchbook hidden in the middle of it. _Typical_, I thought, the boy who was ever so dashingly handsome was also the dictionary description of a Class A 'Bad boy'. Smokes, doesn't pay attention in classes, uses his biology text book as a cover for his drawings and artwork, and plays with every female toy that dangles in his face. I knew I had to stay away from him.

But staying away was proving far more difficult than was possible. For the first couple of weeks in Biology he would just stick to his half, side way smug glances and then proceed to ignore me for the rest of the class. I put it down to the fact most of the girls here were _obviously_ stunning, yet I was just your average plane Jane (or in my case plane Bella). Nothing extraordinary about me...I did my work like a good girl, I never put a foot wrong in any given situation, never drank or touched substances and certainly never went near cancer sticks, and I stayed away from boys, saving myself for marriage. I had wavy, medium length brown hair, nothing spectacular, and I usually just left it to hang over my face, unless I decided to cover it with my hoodie. I never wore make-up, never wore anything more daring than a tank top and jeans (and even then I always made sure my arms were covered with a cardigan or jacket), and the only kind of fashionable shoe I ever wore were converse...rip off converse. Suffice to say I was pretty boring...and rarely received male attention unless it was to attach some petty, pathetic note to my non existent bum, or to '_accidentally_' throw a coke all over my clothes. So it shocked me when 2 weeks in the boy turned to me and held out his hand for me to shake, grinning wildly.

"Hi...I'm Edward" He said, as I peered into those eyes of his...those eyes you could get lost in if you looked for too long. I turned my gaze away quickly, saving myself the embarrassment, and ignored his hand gesture. He pulled it back, clearly confused by my rude reaction, but not letting it fault him from trying again. "Your Bella right? Bella Swan?" I furrowed my brows together, struggling to pretend to read this section on frog dissection...or at least I think it was that. A tiny giggle exited your mouth. "I can understand you not wanting to talk to me...I don't exactly have the best track record in town, but I assure you I mean you no harm. I only wanted to introduce myself..._finally_. Sorry it's taken me a while, I'm a little shy around new people" He stated, causing me a shock of puzzlement. Him...shy? What?! I turned to find his eyes that seemed desperate to find mine. He wore a friendly grin, and posed no real threat of seducing me to his car for a quickie (though I'm pretty sure if he turned on the heat he could have any girl follow him to wherever...especially with _those_ eyes...magical!).

"Hi...and yes I'm Bella" I said finally, after scrutinising his face for any obvious sign that his intentions were entirely dishonourable.

"Nice to meet you Bella" And he held out his hand again. I looked at it for a second, before finally deciding to shake it, and regretting it instantly, and the fine touch of his skin grazing against mine felt far too warm and exhilarating than it should have been. Like an electric current hand just passed through us...of at least through to me. He smiled friendly again and then turned back to his sketch.

"That's very good..." I commented, noting the picture he had drawn of some beautiful girl, who looked like some Russian Goddess. It made me feel slightly insecure...clearly I was _way_ out of my league" He raised his mouth into a knowing smile, without meeting my gaze and then I turned away to continue with my work, as hard as that was to do!

"I saw him talking to you...what did he say...what did he do?" Alice grilled me at lunch time, as we all sat down on the field again. I laughed, and rolled my eyes.

"He just said hi, and told me his name. Nothing much else really" I bemused, feeling annoyed at my lack of social skills that had prevented me from being able to spice up the dying conversation, instead of leaving it unconscious.

"Edward right?" Angela stated, more than asked. "_Man_ have I heard some stories about him! Did you know he moved here from California? The lived there for like half a year, and then his father got moved and decided to come here...Washington of all places. Before that they'd lived in France, Italy, Australia, New Zealand...you name it, he's lived there! According to Jessica, he lost his virginity at the age of 13, to some Russian model who was 3 years older than him, and totally gorgeous!" I guess that explained the Russian Goddess picture then... "Oh and he's been around...apparently he likes to pick up '_souvenirs_' each place he goes! And by that I mean women..._sex_ with women" She says, giggling as though sex is some word that's incredibly naughty to say, just like how a little kid would say it.

"So he leaves a trail of broken hearts then? He's a broken-heart-breadcrumb leaver!" Alice said, in a very high pitched voice.

"That he is! But hell...he can sleep with me any time he wants to...It doesn't bother me in the slightest, I bet he's _damned_ good in the sack" She said licking her lips. I shook my head at them both, and pretended that what they'd just said didn't bother me...but it did. Of course I shouldn't be surprised...he had that smouldering air about him, and was stark raving gorgeous, it's inevitable that he wouldn't be a virgin. But it still made me sad...it still made me..._jealous_.

I started to ignore him in class again after that. There's no way I wanted to become part of the broken-hearts-all-over-the-world-thanks-to-smouldering-sexy-eyed-Edward-Cullen club, and I certainly wasn't just any guy's notch on the bed. But my reluctance to acknowledge him, only further intrigued his interest, and he was coming up with more and more ways to make it _impossibly_ hard to ignore him. I finally cracked on day after Biology when he turned to face me as I bent down to pick up my rucksack to sling over my shoulder, and he lifted his finger, grazed my chin to pull in my focus, and then touched behind my ear bringing back a red tulip and placing it into my hands.

"Wh-How...huh?" I said completely baffled as to how he managed to pull a trick like that off with nothing in his hand to start with, and no sleeves for it to hide in. He bellowed into hysterics.

"I read it in a book once...good book...it worked a treat on the girl...did it work on you?" He asked, raising one of his eyebrows up, and smirking cockily. I tried to pinch my face together, and glare him down for his cockiness but it just ended up turning into an outburst of laughter, and we left the class together still in fits of giggles till we reached the cafeteria.

"Want to sit by me for lunch?" He asked, with a hopeful, kind smile. How could I say know to those kind, enticing eyes of his?

"Sure" I said, still laughing a little and following him to an empty table, noting all the jealous stares and evil glares I was receiving from all the other girls. But he didn't want to spend time with them...he wanted to spend time with me. _Me_ of all people.


	5. Chapter 5

**(Sorry this took so long, I've been in hospital so havn't been able to update. But I've got 2 chapters for you :) Enjoy and please don't forget to review!)**

**Chapter 5 – The Decision**

* * *

**13 years ago**

* * *

"So why didn't you tell me you knew my uncle?" Edward quizzed, as we sat down to finish off our Biology project together. I was feeling a little sad. We'd had an amazing 2 weeks together, working on the project and now it was in it's final stages, plus almost the end of the year before we broke for summer, I wondered if we'd even hang out like this again. That was until we realised there was a tie that _might_ just possibly keep us friends.

"I had no idea he was your uncle, he never said anything. I can't believe Felix is your Uncle though..."

"And I can't believe his wife is your _mom_! She looks far too young" I tutted, and turned up my nose.

"That's what 3 rounds of plastic surgery, thousands of pounds worth of saved up child benefits and forgotten birthday presents to be spent on designer wear and make-over's will get you!" I scorned, crushing the ball mark of my pen into paper a little too aggressively. I wanted to kick myself in the foot the moment the words exited my mouth. It was rare I'd find myself mom-bashing to anyone other than Alice or Rosalie, but now to just let somewhat personal details slip out to not only a stranger, but one that makes my heart palpitate at his heart-breaking gorgeous smile...not the smartest idea in the world. As I dared to peek up through my overgrown fringe, knowing full well to expect that distant-awkward expression peering back at me, I was shocked to find the complete opposite. Edward looked at me with questioning eyes, as though he were waiting patiently to hear more. His understanding and compassionate nature made me feel as though I could sit and tell him anything. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to vent, you don't need to know about my problems" I laughed it off, averting my gaze and praying this moment would pass. But Edward wouldn't let it. He reached out his hand and placed it over my fingers that I was nervously tapping against the floor.

"It's ok" He said seriously, forcing my eyes back to his. "I understand. Hey my dad's married more women than the days in the year I get to see him...in fact I could probably write the book on distant-uncaring parents. That's why I moved here to stay with my aunt for a bit. I couldn't stand being around my mom and her new lesbian look on life..." He said, feeling absolutely comfortable laying out his life for me. I was beginning to see a softer side to him, and it was making my concious, dying need to stop myself falling for him, that much more difficult.

"I'm sorry" I said, wishing there was a less clique word than 'sorry' to use. He flashed me a half smile and winked sending my heart into a raging fluster.

"Don't be sorry. I'm fine baby. Now I'm sorry but I'm going to have to love you and leave you" he said, grabbing his books and standing to leave. '_love me_' damn I wish he would!

"Oh...ok. You have somewhere to be?" I cried out, a little too pathetically. He just smiled and he stuffed the books into his black, ripped and worn out backpack.

"Something like that...bye baby" He answered, winking again and then gliding off in that smouldering manner that made my mouth water excessively. I desperately wanted to run after him, and wrap my arms into his black leather jacket, pulling him into a hot embrace. The thoughts consumed me so much so without even realising, I found my feet pull from the ground and run up behind him. By the time I reached him, he was already loading himself into another car. Jane, the school's blonde bombshell, who was absolutely stunning, had a model figure, killer legs, stunning blonde curls, and a gigantic chest that would make any man drool, was waiting outside of her new black convertible. She was wearing a short white denim skirt, flashing her pins, and a tiny white tank top barely covering her stomach, and was perched against the car flirtatiously waiting for him. It figures he'd go for someone like her. She was beautiful, and I was just average, with problem baggage the size of Australia! He'd never like someone like me that way.

"Oh darling wait..." My mom called to me, just as I was about to leave the house to spend the day shopping with Rosalie.

"What?" I demanded, frustrated to even be talking to her. She'd spent the entire night boasting about how amazing her life has been since she met Felix. Like her kids weren't enough to make her happy.

"What time will you be home today?" She asked, holding a dishcloth in her hand and a cup in the other.

"Why?" I spat back, placing one hand on the hip like a stroppy teenager. She held her hands out in front of her, warning me off.

"Sweetheart I just wanted to know because Felix has got his sister and her son or nephew or whatever coming round for a dinner party" She beamed. "I'm cooking us all a three course. Let your sister know as well, it'll be a great opportunity for you all to get to know Felix and his family better. It'll just be me, Felix, you, hopefully Rosalie, Heidi and I think his name is...Edmund...Edward...yeah Edward" She corrected herself, still smiling wildly. My heart stopped beating at the name. Edward was coming for dinner? Noting the brightened lift to my expression, my mom sighed in relief and reached out for my hand. "Is six all right with you?" She asked.

"Huh?" I stumbled, completely forgetting where I was for a second. "Dinner? Wait...is dad not going to be there?" I asked remembering she'd failed to mention his name as she went through the guest list. Her face turned up as she shifted uncomfortably.

"No...he has a date I think" She lied, but I was far too distracted to bring her up on it. "So you'll tell Rosalie?"

"Hm...oh yeah whatever" I hissed, slamming the front door behind me. It did make me feel bad, being so spiteful towards her, but I was so angry.

"It's not surprising your angry. Hell I'm pissed! I always will be. She's such a manipulative, home-wrecking bitch, I can't believe she'd think I'd even _consider_ going to dinner with her and husband number...what was it again?" Rosalie scorned as she drove rather aggressively to the shopping centre.

"Rose! Please don't" I begged, rubbing my aching head and temples. She looked over at me ready to protest but closed her mouth and turned away.

"Sorry Bells, you don't need this shit. Any way...shopping, fun times YAY" She exclaimed, lacking some enthusiasm. I forced a smile, as we proceeded to pretend everything was ok. But it wasn't. Rosalie was hurting, badly, and there was nothing I could do to take it away.

**Present day**

"I never hear from you any more" Rosalie pointed out, as she sat down and sipped at her Latte. I hadn't seen Rosalie in over 5 months, it almost made me feel bad that I had been neglecting her.

"Sorry...I've just been busy. You know...things have been complicated" I said, shaking my head.

"Yeah...I can't believe after everything she did, she managed to get you looking after her. I mean seriously...It's just typical of her"

"Rose...she's dead. I wanted to help her, she was my mom in spite of it all. I couldn't just let her rot there. I did love her, no matter what she did, and I _know_ deep down she loved us too" Rosalie hissed at my words and carried on poking at her drink. I could sense the conversation was over. As much as Rosalie hated when I stuck up for our mom, she loved me enough to let it slide.

"So how's Jacob?" She asked, bringing up the second most ugly conversation that I despised talking about at the moment.

"Yeah he's fine" I sighed, frustrated with the whole situation. But there was no way I could explain it to Rosalie.

"And the kids...there ok?"

"Yeah their great. Their both taking everything really well"

"That's good. You have a wonderful family, it almost makes me a little jealous" She said, laughing longingly a little.

"Yeah" I mused, wanting to beat myself up for not seeing how right she was. I had the most incredible family...why wasn't that good enough for me? "How are you and Paul?"

"Oh you know...we've reached that stage in our marriage where we argue about absolutely everything and absolutely nothing at the same time! I think it's safe to say were _way_ past the honeymoon stage, by a mile stone!" She said humorously. Rosalie and Paul had been married for 10 years now. They had their ups and downs but managed to pull together, and stay linked with each other all the time. I wondered sometimes how she did it. How she could stand to be in a relationship with someone she couldn't stand at times. Was that what love was supposed to be like? Amazing and beautiful at the start and then gradually turning into habit and familiarity. How was that fair?

"It's just the way it is hun. Love, life, the works... it's not perfect" Alice said later that evening at her house. "You do love your husband...that's not the problem here. The problem is your holding on to your past still. You have to think of it like it's not even important. Because really it wasn't...you just think it is! I mean jeez it still kills me to think about Jasper. I was so fucking crazy in love with him, but did that mean we were meant to be together? Definitely not! You remember how volatile that relationship was don't you?" Didn't I ever! I nodded. "Exactly, but he will always be my first love. Just like Edward will always be yours, but you have to move on and think about what you have right now with your husband and your children. The past is the past. Whatever this _thing_ is you have to put it away. Don't let it destroy what you have" Alice was always brilliant when it came to advice, but even though I knew she was right I didn't want to listen. Something inside was prickling at me. And as I played with the piece of paper between my fingers, and continued to stare at his address it hit me. I had to go there. I had to see him. One last time.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 – Going back.**

Leaving California to go all the way to Forks was a _huge_ decision, and not one I could take on impulse. When you have children, any kind of impulse carries _gigantic_ consequences. But I _needed_ to go as quickly as possible. I just had to know what he was doing and to see him again, just for my own piece of mind.

"Everything all right babe?" Jacob asked, as he creped up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I felt bad having to shove him off, even if I did do it subtly, I knew it killed him.

"Yeah I'm fine. And you?" He nodded, pushing a smile from his saddened mouth. "Are the boys asleep?" Hope seemed to feed into his face at my question. Unlucky for him, that's _not_ what I meant.

"Yes...did you want to...do something tonight?" He asked, creeping around the question.

"Like what?"

"I don't know...erm there's a western movie on tonight I think. We could get comfy on the sofa, watch it together? Or...you know..._not_ watch it" I sighed, as I shoved the clean cutlery back in the draw. Poor guy didn't deserve me.

"Nah I don't really fancy a western tonight" I answered honestly. Truth be known, his love in western and war movies was a definite dislike of mine. I couldn't stand them. "I think I might just go to bed early. It's been a long day. My sisters having some troubles with Paul at the moment. I said I'd go round and help her out a bit tomorrow" I didn't dare look at his face, knowing he'd be full of disappointment. He shifted himself out of the room, clearing his throat and then turned back round to look at me.

"Night then" He said.

"Good night"

The next morning I felt even more annoyed and aggravated. How on earth could I swing a few days away from home, alone, past my husband who already was having his suspicions about my behaviour?

"You off to Rosalie's?" He asked as I brushed past him in our rather small shared bathroom.

"No...she called. Apparently her and Paul are taking the kids and going on a little family vacation for a week to try and fix their marriage. I told her she should probably leave the kids with a babysitter. They need to be alone" Jacob turned to look at me, furrowing his brow as though he were biting his lip to say something, but was holding back. Instead he put his toothbrush back and started to comb his hair.

"Well maybe it will be good for them" He finally said.

"I hope so. He is good for her, their both good together. I just think she's upset over mom" I said, wishing Rosalie could just somehow put the past behind her.

"Yeah...it's been hard on you both" He said rubbing my shoulder. Again I brushed it off.

"Listen...I wanted to ask you something" I started, as my heart rate started to increase wildly. "I-I think it might be good for me...you know to get away, erm...I know we have our holiday coming up, but there's some place I wanted to go before we go. You know...by myself" I said tip toeing around every corner of my words. He looked thoughtful for a second and then turned to me with a puzzled expression.

"You want to go away by yourself, or just me and you?" He asked, really looking at me now.

"By myself" I said wincing at the words. His face fell.

"Oh" Was all he said. Oi!

"It'd be just for a couple of days...I'll be back before you know it. I just...I need to do something that's all!"

"What?"

"Just something. There's a place I want to go. A place that reminds me of my childhood. Just to figure some stuff out, and then I promise I'll be straight back"

"Where?"

"Would you mind...if I didn't tell you. It's not bad or anything I swear, I just-I'd rather just keep those details to myself at the moment. But I'll phone you as soon as I get there, and will keep in contact regularly. I just need to do this by myself, alone, just for myself. You understand don't you sweetheart?" I said turning to face him and placing my hands on his ripped, bare chest in a plea for him to say yes. I hated having to be so persuasive and deceiving with him. Feeling my hands on his body seemed to make his face lift slightly.

"I don't know...I mean I'm all for you sorting some of your stuff out but what about the boys? They'll miss you if you leave" Hardly! I swear if it weren't for the fact they needed me for cooking, cleaning and household chores they wouldn't even know I existed. I reached my hand up his chest and into his hair, as he let out a tiny moan.

"They'll be ok for a couple of days. Please understand Jacob, I _have_ to do this" I enforced. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, and his breathing getting heavier. Was this wrong? Wrong to use sex to get what I wanted? All I knew is that it would be worth it, for both of us. We'd _each_ be getting something we wanted. So...we had sex, and even though the effort of pretending I enjoyed every moment of it the way he did was exhausting and made me feel empty inside, it was nice to feel close to him again. I felt happy that he was enjoying it, and he pushed and shoved, and moaned like it was the best sex he'd ever had.

"So you'll just be gone 2 nights then?" He asked, as we resumed cleaning ourselves up in the bathroom. His face was glowing, and it seemed as though he'd say yes to anything I asked him to do right now. Gosh I was a terrible person!

"Yes! 2 nights and three days, nothing more I swear" I said, beaming a smile at him, as he entwined our bodies together, kissing at my neck. I forced a giggle out of my mouth, as I endured his passionate embrace hoping he'd go to work soon so I could get out of here fast.

"Then it's ok" He said bringing his face close to mine and brushing my lips with his tenderly. "I'll see you in a few days then" He said, kissing the tip of my nose and leaving for work. I sighed in relief, and without even thinking another single second I grabbed some clothes, essentials and shoved them in my backpack, and then leaving before he could come home and protest.

As I drove myself to the airport, I couldn't help but feel happy and elated for the first time in a long time. It was a freeing feeling, like I could do anything, be anyone, and not have a single care or worry in the world. Sure I was leaving my family and responsibilities behind, but what was 3 days when it could mean complete happiness for me? They'd understand, and I'd be home to them in no time.

The airport was busy, jam packed full of happy travellers, and sad returners. It was full of running, screaming little kids, and couples who were either arguing till the cows came home, or macking on each other, so caught up in that lovely feeling that would one day pass for them. Isn't that always the way?

"Can I help you miss?" The lady said at the ticket desk.

"Yes I need a return flight, and transportation to Forks, in Washington, as soon as available" I said, praying I could be on that flight within the hour. She tapped away at her little computer and bobbed her head around.

"Yes I have an available flight in a couple of hours if that is ok with you?"

"Yeah that's great" I said relieved. She took my details, and I went and sat down in the airport coffee place, mulling over what I was about to do. It had been a long time since I'd been to Forks. A _very_ long, long time. I knew there was a little B+B just outside of Forks, called 'The star', and I'd heard it was very good. I could probably manage to book a couple of nights, get settled in tonight and then tomorrow...well then I'd see about going to find him. It'd be difficult...very difficult to see him again, but something inside me told me this was right.

The flight touched down in Washington at seven in the evening. I was thankful that the airport wasn't too busy, as they transferred me via shuttle and then taxi all the way to Forks. As soon as we hit that border, over the bridge, surrounded by all the green trees, and fresh Forks air I felt fifteen again. I had to smile. Forks, although dull and boring, was incredibly beautiful. The lakes and wildlife were second to none, and so many families lived and loved here, it was just like one big home. I didn't recognise anyone walking around, be it had been 12 years. Most of the shops and restaurants were the same, and even the school hadn't changed one bit. The taxi driver pulled up outside the B+B and helped me with my bags.

"Hi can I help you dear?" A little old lady, behind the desk asked. The interior of the place was classically beautiful. Pine wood and marble surface's, rich and empowering paintings of the past and present, it was lovely, and regal.

"Yes, I'd like to know if you have any places available? I want to stay a couple of night, if possible" I said, smiling. She looked ancient, with her cropped, grey hair, thick specs, and white cardigan that covered her little blue suit.

"Your in luck dear, we've just had a cancellation. Just a couple of nights yes?"

"Yeah, I shouldn't stay longer than that...but if I did decided to...I mean..." I stumbled, starting to wonder just how long I was going to stay. A week couldn't hurt right?

"Well I must tell you my dear, with it being February we tend to get a lot of tourists this time of year. We get a lot of bears in the forests, so naturally the hunters come. I'll be needing the room back in a couple of weeks, but your welcome to stay till then" She informed me, flashing a friendly grin.

"Oh don;t worry I'm sure I won't be staying longer than a week. Would it be ok if I let you know? Just take it day by day?" I asked, expecting that puzzled gaze she was about to give me. She looked at me strangely for a second and then smiled once again.

"Yes...ok that'll be fine. Just be sure to let me know as soon as possible" And I nodded, retrieving the key, and passing over the details she needed.

The next morning I woke, after a very questionable nights sleep, with increased tossing and turning. I'd gone over today so many times in my head, wondering if it was such a good idea to see him again. In the short term, it was what I wanted, but it was what it would mean for the long term that worried me. But despite my reluctance and panic I knew no matter what, I had to go...just to see what would happen. So I ordered a taxi, and gave him the address, taking deep breaths as the car trudged past distant memories I'd thought I'd left behind. Before I knew it the car was pulling round the corner to a remote location. It was a quieter area, right near Forks' lake, but extremely picturesque. You had to go up a steep hill just to reach a very narrow road, opposite the forest, which was where he lived.

"This is as far as I can take you" The taxi driver informed me, as he reached the narrow road, which was impossible for fitting any cars down.

"Thank you" I said smiling, and handing over cash and a tip. The road seemed long, but as I looked to the left, the view was spectacular. I couldn't imagine the view that people got from their homes high up, but it was probably ten times this one. Eventually I reached the end of the road, and the last house, which was _his_ house. It was the most distinct house on the whole road, and the most beautiful. There was a white fence, that covered around the front garden, and back, and to the left side going all the way round the second floor, was a beautiful balcony put up specially for sight seeing. The house seemed empty, and for a second I thought about running back, and getting the next flight home, and forgetting all about this whole mess I'd dug myself. Until I saw him. He stepped out onto the balcony, through the white, curtained door. His chest was bare, glowering in the sun, so beautiful it almost looked like diamonds were reflecting from it. He looked slightly more tanned than usual, clearly suggesting he'd been on holiday. He was wearing shorts, and still had the most incredible, toned, fit legs I'd ever seen on a boy in a long time. Most girls liked the muscles and buff men, very much like Jacob's physique. But I loved nothing more than a lean, healthy, with some tone and definition, man's body, and Edward still had an incredible body. His hair had gone from brown, to a rusty dark brown, with a couple of black bits. It was shorter, and he seemed to be fixing one of the window's looking like the perfect, ideal handy man doing his daily chores. I wondered for a second how beautiful the girl he had sat inside was. And then...as he bent to pick up another tool I realised how stupid this was. He didn't know me...I didn't even know him. My mother sends me his address, with no reason or answer as to why she had it, and I turn up here out of nowhere, disrupting the life he'd built for himself. I shook my head and turned to leave praying he wouldn't even notice as I squabbled on. But luck wasn't on my side. I hadn't counted on the dog walker, with 4 yapping Yorkshire terriers coming in the other direction and blocking me from running past.

"Good morning" The dog walker said, nodding to greet me. "Hello Edward" She shouted, flashing a somewhat flirtatious smile up at him, as he smiled down at her and waved. I felt my cheeks burn red as his eyes drifted down to me...the stranger jumping around nervously outside his property. I looked up at him looking down, as he pinched his face together trying to figure out who I was. And then just like that his body popped in realisation.

"Hi Bella" He yelled, filling my body with the music from his voice once again. There was no walking away from him now.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 – The dinner party.**

* * *

**13 years ago**

* * *

The dinner was unsurprisingly awkward. Rosalie had agreed to join us all, but only to make it the most uncomfortable dinner for our mother that she could, and sitting across from Edward, for me, made me feel incredibly insecure. It was easy to see where Edward got his good looks from. Heidi, his mother, looked like a supermodel/barbie doll. She had long, golden brown, curls, piercing eyes, and a enviable figure. She looked far too young to be his mom, but there she was, making me feel even more insecure. Renee had spent ages cooking what could only be described as a banquet fit for a royal family. It was all a little too over the top, and it made me laugh the way my mother pretended to act like this perfect _saint_ of a mother when we all knew very different.

"So Edward...I hear your in some of Bella's classes?" She quizzed him, as she sat down and passed around the home made soup she'd made. Edward grinned.

"Yes, one or two" He answered flashing me a sneaky wink across the table.

"She says your very nice. You two must get along well" I blushed purple. My mother was nothing if not embarrassing.

"So she talks about me then huh?" Edward smirked, eyeing me from across the table as I felt my whole body flush with a fever.

"Well it's lovely to know my daughter has a good friend at school" She smiled.

"Mother, I do have other friends you know!" I scorned across the table. Rosalie cleared her throat and shook her head at me.

"Not now Bells" She whispered. The whole table went awkwardly silent again.

"So Edward...how are you finding it here in Forks?" My mother asked after a while.

"Different...it's not exactly California, but it's got it's own unique beauty" He winked at me as he said this, sending a flutter of butterflies rushing through my veins.

"Yes the weather is..._interesting_" Felix commented. Renee let out a fake little laugh as me and Rosalie exchanged glances, and rolled our eyes.

"Well were very happy to have you hear Edward. You welcome round here any time you like" Renee smiled.

"Mom! This is _dad's_ house _not_ yours, you can't just invite your..._baggage_ round whenever you like" I screamed, not realising I had just insulted Edward without meaning to. "Excuse me, I've lost my appetite" I said disgusted with my mother, and storming off upstairs. Rosalie followed, not before saying "happy now?!" to Renee.

"I _really_ hate her!" I vented to Rosalie, as she closed my bedroom door behind her, and sat next to me on the bed, wrapping her arms around my shoulders.

"I know sweety" She comforted, kissing my hair, and resting her head on mine.

"She's _such_ a bitch. How can she run around down there acting like mother fucking Theresa after what she's done. I mean all she's done since she's been back is criticise my every choice and move. '_That dress doesn't suit you_', '_have you put on a little weight recently_', '_maybe you should eat a low fat yoghurt instead of that sandwich_' I mean who the hell does she think she is? I wish she'd just give it up already, and move back to were she came from" Rosalie caught a tear falling down my cheek.

"I hear ya sister! Just try to ignore her criticism's. You know there only a direct result from her insecurities. Your beautiful the way you are, so eat as _many_ sandwich's as you want!" She smiled and I smiled back.

"I just can't stand it here any longer. Can I come and live with you? At least for a bit, until the _wicked witch mother_ decides to fly off again. I won't be any trouble for you" Rosalie sighed, and I could see in her face the answer was no.

"Sweetie...I would love to live with you, but I can barely keep myself. Money is tight at the moment, I've had to delay the rent for another month until I get my student loan through, plus there isn't much room. Even with my job, I still wouldn't have enough to look after you as well. And I'm pretty sure you don't want to eat beans on toast for the rest of your school days" She smiled. I sighed disappointed, and she wrapped her arms around me again, pulling me tight into her chest. "I'm sorry Bells. I wish I could take you in, because I would in and instant. But you can come round any time, and I'm always around if you want to go for a drive or a walk, or just some space. Don't forget I'm here for you, _always_, any time, any day"

"I just don't want to stay here..._especially_ tonight" I bemused, imagining a dreaded lecture that I would receive later, after the guests had left.

"Well...you could come and sleep over tonight if you'd like? I think a day or two wouldn't hit the bank too badly. And I'm sure the waters will have cooled by the time you get back" She suggested. I smiled, and nestled my head into her shoulder.

"Your the best Rosalie. I'd really appreciate staying a couple of nights" She gave me a little squeeze and then slipped off the bed.

"All right, well you get some night stuff together and I'll go let the witch know what's happening" She smiled and left, leaving me to dash around the room quickly. The quicker I could get out of the hell hole the better.

The following week at school was awkward. Alice had just started dating a guy called Jasper, who was the school player. He was a jock, and was seen with a different girl on his arm every week. Alice had managed to worm her way onto his arm, and even more impressively, keep him hanging on. But that meant I hardly ever saw her. Being the jock's new girlfriend gave her a free pass into the 'plastics' parade, and they were people I had no interest in saying one word to. Angela was tolerable at the best of times, but she wasn't the most trusting friend, and if you weren't careful she'd gladly spread any gossip about you around the whole town! She couldn't help it, gossip was her second name. So I was pretty much left on my own. And if that wasn't bad enough I had double Biology with Edward after lunch, and he was the _last_ person I wanted to see after that awful dinner.

"Hey Bella" Edward smiled as I sat reluctantly beside him. I nodded, and hid the side of my face with my hand, hoping he'd take the hint. "Aren't you talking to me now?" He pushed. I let out an irritated sigh. "I'll take that as a no"

"You can take it however you want it, but I have a headache so will you please just _be_ quiet" I spat, a little too harshly. He seemed taken a back.

"You don't like me very much do you?" He finally asked, his expressive smile a little saddened.

I looked at him, ready to scorn, but feeling guilty. It wasn't his fault my mother was the way she was. He had just been stuck in the middle, yet for some reason I felt angry towards him.

"I don't hate you" I murmured after a while. "I just don't know you. Besides, your one of the '_elite_' now so you should know I'm an outsider...your not supposed to be talking to me" He let out a laugh.

"One of the elite? What is this, Gossip Girl?! Come on, do I look like I want to belong with the..._elite_ as you call them? I don't like labels"

"I've seen you...hanging out with the all the plastics"

"Plastics?" He laughed again.

"The girls...I call them the plastics, because their fake as hell, and they look like barbie dolls"

"What is with you and labels?" He joked.

"What is with you and girls?" I joked back, although a little too forcefully. He raised his eyebrow at me. "Come on...don't pretend to not know what I am talking about. I've heard about your..._reputation_. Your a player, end off! And I'm sorry but I have no interest in being just another notch on some guys bedpost. I see no other reason for you wanting to talk to me" I said without thinking. He looked at me, gob smacked. I felt myself burn red in the cheeks, thinking about how jealous I had just sounded. I just prayed he didn't note on that.

"I guess I can understand that. But do you really believe everything you hear? This reputation...it's bullshit. I'm not a player, and I _don't_ just think of girls as another notch on my bedpost"

"But your always with girls, a different one everyday, going off with them...and they talk you know"

"Yeah they talk, but that's all it is..._talk_"

"Ok" I said shaking my head in annoyance.

"What now?"

"Nothing, I just want to concentrate on my work, and your distracting me"

"Does this have anything to do with the meal the other day?" He asked, sending my anger into overdrive.

"No!" I spat. He placed his hand on my arm and looked at me seriously.

"You want to talk about it?"

"No I want to get on with my work in _peace_!"

"Your mom was pretty upset when you left. Things are difficult with her I guess?" He pushed.

"What the _hell_ do you know?! Stop acting like you know me, and know my life. It's non of your business. Not all of us can have the _perfect_ life like you!" I yelled.

"Well isn't that a little contradictory?"

"What?!"

"Your telling me not to act like I know you and your life, but then you go and make a judgement call that my life is perfect"

"Well it is! Your rich, you have houses everywhere, you can just up and move country without a single issue any time you like, people worship the ground you walk on...how is that _not_ perfect?"

"You don't think I have problems of my own?"

"I know your dad walked out on your mom and all that, but you still have everything you could ever possibly want. At least you have a mother who gives a shit!"

"Why are you acting as though your the only one with problems? Yeah, it's true, I probably don't know a thing about your life and troubles, but don't pretend you know mine! You haven't got a clue. What the hell does money matter? It's jackshit to me, it doesn't mean anything. As for my mother...well since I remind her too much of my father, she pretty much doesn't want a fucking thing to do with me. It's been hell living with her. That's why I moved up here with my uncle. Because he's the only fucking person in this whole damned world that gives a flying toss about me, and has faith that I won't fuck my life up, and waste all my inheritance. Your mom...as bad as she may have been in past, has actually been pretty nice to me. And I _thought_ that_ we_ were friends, but I guess not..." He said, anger raging out of his face. I swallowed hard, and felt myself fill with guilt. Here I was completely biting his head off, and trashing him, when he had just as much crap in his life as I did. I went to say something back when Mr Banner came over and slammed his fist down on the desk.

"Would you two like to explain to me what your riveting conversation is about, that it is so important?" We both shook our heads. "Good! Now if I hear one more peep out of you two, unless I ask you a direct question, I'll send you down to the principals office" We both nodded as he waltzed back over to his desk. Mr Banner was very strict, and nobody dared to ever come up against him. But I had to apologise to Edward. He'd scooted a little away from me, and pivoted his body so it blocked me viewing his face. I ripped out a page of my notebook and wrote a note.

_Edward,_

_I'm so sorry for being a bitch towards you. I don't know what's gotten in to me, but I didn't mean to take out my own anger on you. Nor did I want to act as though you have a perfect life. I guess you have struggles of your own. Please forgive me. _

_Bella x_

I looked up to check Mr Banner wasn't looking, and then slipped the note over to him. I thought he might rip it up, but he didn't. He read it. And then he turned to me, and raised the corners of his mouth into a sweet smile. The smile that almost sent me flying off my chair. It was the smile that completely won me over, and I knew from then on, there was no avoiding my feelings for him. I was completely, and utterly smitten. And that scared me.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 – The reunion.**

* * *

**Present day**

* * *

I stood, leaning against his kitchen counter, sipping nervously at the cup of coffee he had made. Since our 'reunion' we had barely said one word to each other. Just the usual 'Hi' 'How have you been' 'What have you been up to', but nothing substantial. I got the feeling he was just as nervous as me. It had been 13 years after all, and there was so much...so much that had happened that made this painfully awkward. His house was rather beautiful though. Modern, but homely, with beautifully carved furniture, and top quality technology. I was rather jealous, his home was much more welcoming than mine. Mind you I'd never really felt at home, at home.

"So..." He said breaking the ice cold tension that had built. "not to sound rude or anything, but what are you doing here?" He asked gently, it could barely be taken as anything rude or suggestive.

"Erm...well...I'm just on a little holiday. Just a couple of days breakaway. I wanted to come back here...it seems like such a long time since I saw Forks. It hasn't changed much" I smiled, keeping my gaze away from his. He still had the most enchanting eyes I'd ever seen on a man.

"No it hasn't much" He replied tonelessly.

"I heard that you were still living here so..." I cut myself off, not knowing how to end that sentence.

"Heard from where?"

"Erm...do you mind if I keep that to myself right now? It's a long conversation I'm just not ready to delve into right now" I begged.

"Ok" He answered, not wanting to push the boat too much. There was an awkward silence yet again. "So...where are you staying?"

"At a local BnB, not too far from here. It's quite nice, friendly and clean" I answered.

"Oh yeah I know the place. The star right? Yeah I did that place up last year, the lady who owns it is lovely"

"Yeah she is. So you fix up places then?"

"Yes. I own my own company. I manage building work, and decorating places. It's hard work but I enjoy fixing up places for people. It's good money" I nodded, smiling. Edward had come from a very wealthy family, however I always remembered how much he hated that. He wanted to earn his own money, and I guess he had done just that. I felt overwhelming pride for him. He'd achieved something amazing, yet I felt as though I'd achieved nothing.

"That's great! I'm pleased you found something you enjoy"

"Yes, it's great. I was just doing some fixture's on my own house before you came" He said.

"Oh I'm so sorry, I'm disturbing your work" I exclaimed, jumping up from leaning against the counter, and starting to worry.

"No, no it's fine! I needed a break anyway" He smiled. I smiled back. I loved his smile. It was one I'd missed all these years.

"So...are you living with anyone?" I asked, tiptoeing around the question. I hadn't seen any photo frames, or pictures of him and another woman around the house, so I assumed he didn't. Well...hoped he didn't more like.

"Yes" He answered bluntly, avoiding my inquisitive gaze. _Damnit_!

"Oh" I replied, disappointment clear in my voice. I saw the corners of his mouth curl into a tiny grin.

"It's not what you think...you'll see" He said, mysteriously. Curiosity filled my veins.

We went to sit in his lounge, as he turned on the television. We'd run out of conversation, so a distraction was necessary. I hadn't accounted for how awkward this might be, and I was starting to wonder if this was really a good idea or not, but going back now when I'd come so far seemed such a waste, and I didn't want to live life constantly saying 'What if'.

"So are you working?" He asked after a long time of pretending to focus on some trashy American program.

"No...I'm a stay at home..._mom_" I answered, whispering the last bit. I hadn't meant to mention my kids...at least not just yet. What kind of mother left their own kids at home for a weekend holiday with the man she'd once been in love with? I hoped he wouldn't think badly of me.

"Ah so you have a child?"

"Two" I corrected, smiling.

"That's nice. Where are they now?"

"With their father"

"Are they boys or girls or one of each?"

"Two boys. James is my eldest he's 6 years old, and Paul is my youngest, he's only 4, but sometimes I think he's older than me!" I joked, although it really was true. Edward chuckled.

"Do you have any pictures with you?" He asked, genuinely curious about my two boys. I shook my head, feeling awful for not thinking to bring pictures of them. I couldn't help but think the words '_what kind of mother are you?_' again and again. "Well they sound lovely. I'm glad you had a family. Is the father...still around?"

"Yes" I answered, a little too depressingly. I felt guilty for feeling that way about Jacob. It wasn't his fault, and he did his best.

"Is he ok with you...you know getting away?"

"He was a little upset and concerned, but I needed a little rest, and he understands. Besides, I haven't been back to Forks since I was 18. I really have missed this place"

"You left at 18?" He asked, slowly opening up the can of worms to the past.

"Yes. My sister Rosalie was living California with her boyfriend, well he's now her husband, and she invited me to go and live with her since...well things weren't good for me back in Forks at the time. So I stayed with her for a while, and that's when I met..._Jacob_"

"And he's your..._husband_ now?"

"Yes. It was kind of a quick marriage. But...yeah" I Stumbled, not really knowing what else to add to that. He noted my tone and dropped the topic. Suddenly the doorbell rang.

"I'll be back in a minute" He said, getting up and running for the door. I looked around the room, being nosey at his things. He had so many antique's, statue's and novelties placed around the room, showing off things he'd clearly gotten from travelling. There weren't very many pictures of him, and that's when I noticed...there was one on the mantle piece, specifically placed in the middle. It was the most exquisite frame I'd ever seen, clearly showing this was a very important picture to him. And in the picture was a little girl. A sweet little girl, with a beaming smile, and she had chocolate cake smothered around her mouth. I couldn't help but giggle, she looked like a real sweetheart. In all the time I'd talked about my boys, I'd never thought to ask if he had any children. As I made my way over to the picture, I heard foot steps behind me.

"And, and she told me I was the bestest in our class, because I got 9 out of 10 on our spelling bee test, and, and that _snotty_ boy Alec got 4 out of 10, because he is soooooo stupid" I heard a little girls voice. I heard Edward giggle, and then they came into the room. The little girl was wearing the most adorable pink dress, with a big bow around the waist, and cute little, pink, sparkly pumps to match. She had beautiful, short, golden blonde ringlets, hanging down at her shoulders, and the sweetest little face I could just squish. At the sight of me, her overwhelming confidence soon faltered, as she darted behind Edwards legs, and clasped her arms around them, peeking out at me.

"Come on Esme. Don't be silly, this is my friend...Bella" He encouraged, trying to pry her hands free from his legs, but once her had she only clasped them back around them.

"Aww, hello Esme" I said in a kid like voice smiling down at her.

"Say hello Esme" Edward encouraged, again trying to pull her out from behind his legs.

"I love your dress, it's very pretty. Is it new?" I asked. She took her time, squinting her eyes at me before she answered.

"No, nanny Cullen got me it for my birthday, aaaages ago! Daddy...is it my birthday soon?" She suddenly asked tugging at her fathers trousers and slowly peeking out from behind his legs.

"No sweet pea, not for another 5 months" He informed her smiling at her and then me.

"Daddy! _Don't_ call me sweet pea, you know I'm not a _pea_!" She lectured, folding her arms across her chest, and frowning. Me and Edward giggled.

"Your very sweet. Have you been at school today?" I asked as she strolled over to what looked like her chair.

"Yes! Auntie Jane picked me up after school and took me to the park. Daddy couldn't come with us because he had lots of buildings to build" She said in her cute little voice.

"Aw well that sounds lots of fun"

"It was. I had _two_ ice lollies" She said with emphasis on the two.

"Ooo, that's a lot" She nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes, but it was because I did well"

"Well I hope you have enough room in your belly for dinner" Edward said kissing her forehead and then sitting down himself, turning the television channels over to cartoons. Esme giggled.

"So how old are you?" I asked, feeling a more comfortable ease around Edward now we had her there. I think he felt the same.

"I'm _this_ many old" She said, shoving her fingers out in front of her, making a number seven.

"Don't be silly Esme, you five not seven" Edward corrected her, laughing a little.

"I said that!" Esme informed, crossing her arms across her chest again.

Later that evening, after Edward had put Esme to bed, me and Edward sat down at the dinner table as he opened a bottle of wine.

"She's absolutely adorable" I said as I sipped at the wine.

"She is" He agreed, smiling to himself.

"She has a lot of spirit"

"Yeah she gets that from her mother" He said, his face looking a little saddened.

"What happened to her...her mother I mean. If you don't mind me asking?"

"No that's fine. Erm...well...she died just after Esme was born" He started. I wasn't expecting that.

"Oh I'm sorry" I apologised, feeling really guilty for bringing it up. It was clear by his expression he wasn't over it.

"No it's fine. It's good to talk about it. Esme never really met her mother. She died a few hours after Esme was born. Internal bleeding. There's nothing they could do, but of course...it was devastating"

"It must have been. I'm so sorry" I comforted, although knowing the word sorry wasn't much of a comfort.

"It's ok. Were doing all right on our own" He smiled, a saddened smile. "So, it's late, do you want me to call you a cab to take you back? I would drive you myself but I have Esme" He said. I glanced at my watch and was shocked at how late it had gotten.

"I didn't realise the time. I better get off" I said jumping up from the table.

"Will we see you before you go?"

"Yes...if that's ok I mean? I could pop by tomorrow after lunch?"

"I have Esme all day. Were going to her mothers grave and then to the beach. So we won't be back till dinner time"

"How about Sunday?"

"Hmm...I'll have a think about it. It's just difficult with Esme"

"I understand" I smiled, feeling a little disappointed, but honestly what did I expect? Things were different now. "Well you know where I am" He nodded and smiled, and then called me a cab. Before I left I felt myself wanting to fall into his arms, and give him a hug. But I knew how dangerous that was. I still remembered the way it felt to be touched by him, and I didn't want to over step my mark. Especially when it was clear that Edward didn't feel the same. All I could do was cross my fingers, and hope that I'd see him again.


	9. Chapter 9

**(Hi sorry for the delay, for some reason the site hasnt been letting me upload the chapters for the past few days (annoying huh?) but it's all sorted now :) Hope you enjoy. please review xx)**

**Chapter 9 – The first night.**

The following day I sat down for lunch at the BnB. It was pretty quiet, apart from a couple of locals who were still whispering and gossiping to each other about me.

"Everybody in this town is just nosey. Don't worry sweetie, they are just trying to figure you out. It's nothing bad" Mrs Hale, the lil old lady who owned the BnB, said to me.

I guess it shouldn't surprise me. Growing up here I noticed how crazy the town would get when someone new stepped on their grounds. I was just about to bite into my sandwich when my phone vibrated in my pocket. It was a text from Jacob, and instantly I felt a rush of guilt. I'd promised him I'd ring when I arrived, but he'd completely slipped my mind.

_Hey Bella_

_Where r u?_

_Y haven't u called?_

_I'm worried sick, please_

_call and let me_

_know ur ok_

_J x_

I also had 15 missed calls from him. How could I be so stupid as to forget him and my boys? What was wrong with me?

**13 years ago.**

"Alice what the hell! Where did you get those bruises?" I queried, touching the bruises that were painted all over Alice's back. She flinched as I touched them.

"Bella just leave it!" She yelled.

"No I won't just leave it. Did Jasper do this to you? Did he hurt you?"

"No! Bella just forget it ok, I-I fell down the stairs" She lied.

"Alice you have to _stop_ lying to me. I know he's been hurting you, why won't you let me help?"

"Just fuck off Bella!" And with that she shoved me out of her way and stormed off to her new clan of friends. I didn't know what to do. Jasper had clearly been hurting her for some time now, and each time I asked her about it she just pushed me away. And now I was alone. Who could I talk to about this? A though occurred to me. Edward. After our little argument, things seemed to have been patched up ok. He smiled kindly at me every day, and gave me the occasional wink. But could I let him in? Could I really trust him to help me with this problem?

"So how long has this been going on?" He asked, as I sat down beside him on the lawn. He'd made us take this _extremely_ long walk, to this place he called the meadow. It was kind of pretty, like a small field with flowers, and apple green grass. He said it was his favourite place to hang out and think.

"I first noticed the bruised about a month ago. But I believed her then when she said she'd banged into a door. I mean of course you believe it. But then it just kept getting worse. I saw them arguing a few times, and I _know_ he's been hooking up with other girls behind her back, I just can't get through to her. I don't know what to do for the best. I mean she's my best friend! What do I do?"

"I can't answer that for you. But I can sort this guy out if you want? Alice...she might be more difficult. I've seen this situation before. She's in denial over him. She doesn't want to admit he's hurting her, even to herself. Even if he disappeared, she'd try to follow him...believe me. And it might ruin your friendship for good" He answered truthfully.

"Ugh! How do you know this stuff anyway? An _ex_ of yours?" I said a little too hostile than I meant. He looked up at me, with a humourless smile.

"My mom"

"Oh" I felt terrible. "I'm so sorry"

"Stop apologising all the time" He laughed. "There's no need. It's not your fault"

"Yeah but I shouldn't be so _bitchy_ with you all the time! I don't mean to"

"It's ok I understand. It's normal to snap at someone when your angry and frustrated. Just..._try_ to be nice to me...at least just a _little_ bit" He said with the cutest little grin on his face I couldn't help but laugh.

"I will!" I giggled.

"You promise?" He made a little begging face.

"I promise, stop that!" I laughed, jabbing his shoulder with my fist.

"Oh so your being violent now!" He joked, poking me in the ribs with his finger. We got into a poking war.

"Stop" I said in-between laughing. He carried on, poking me in the ribs, the shoulder, the leg, anywhere until he began tickling me. I tried to get him back but he was just too fast. As I went to put my arm out in defence, his hand pushed against it, pushing me back to the ground. He fell on top of me, one arm holding himself up against the ground. We continued to laugh, until a sudden silence fell over us both, and all of a sudden I could feel a million butterflies fluttering around in my stomach, making me feel all tingly and funny inside. Time had slowed down, and it seemed like ages that we held each others gaze. His beautiful eyes carving their desire into mine, and his expression...as scared as mine. And then it just happened. He leaned down to my face, my heart speeding into overdrive, and pressed his lips into mine. I felt a jolt of electricity speed through my veins, like a massive explosion. His lips felt amazing against mine. It was as though my whole body turned to feathers, and I was lifting off of the ground. And then he did something unexpected. His hand slid up from the ground and ran across my chest, crushing my body up into his. I felt his hand running up and down my body, pressing into it and sending tingles in places I'd never felt them before. It was shocking for me, being this intimate with someone, when I'd never even shared a kiss. And here I was, kissing him, crushing my tongue into his, whilst his hand slid up and down my body, and then up my shirt. I gasped in shock, and he pulled back from my lips, his hand still hovering over my bra.

"Is this ok?" He asked, worry written all over his face.

"Erm...I-" I was stuck for words. I could barely breath let alone speak to him. "Yes" I answered, my whole body shaking with nerves. He smiled seductively and then pushed his tongue back into my mouth, his hand continuing to grope my breast. I didn't mind. It did feel nice. But I was scared. Scared of what might happen. I knew he wasn't a virgin. I knew he'd been with a lot of girls before. But I was a virgin, and I was clueless. What if I was really bad? But we weren't going to have sex, were we? I mean...not in the middle of the field surely! His fingers tickled down my stomach to the waist band of my jeans. He fiddled a little with the button, moaning into my mouth, and sending another wave of nerves fluttering around in my body. I could no longer breath, as his hand slid down and tickled around the top of my panties. And then, as excited as I was becoming, his hand slid out of my pants and he pulled back.

"Can I come to house tonight? To your room?" He asked gently, placing his hand back on my stomach. I felt as though I might loose conciousness. If I said yes, we'd absolutely sleep together. If I said no, I might ruin an amazing thing. He had chosen me, for whatever reason, and he wanted to be with me. But was I ready? I didn't know. But having him this close to me, touching me in the ways that he was doing felt really, _really_ good. And I didn't want it to stop. So I nodded, nervously, and he smiled, brushing my lips again with his, softly, and then kissing my head.

"Come on...lets go and sort this...Jasper is it?" He said grinning.

"Yeah" I nodded, still in a daze as he helped me up onto my feet.

Later that evening I sat on my bed fiddling with my fingers anxiously. I kept replaying the days events in my head, over and over again. Had he really kissed me? Had me really touched me all over? I couldn't understand why he would choose me, next to all of those other girls at our school, who were practically like models. I was just plane and boring, nothing unusual or spectacular about me, yet he wanted to come to my room tonight. I panicked, wondering if I was just another girl on his list to sleep with. Whether he was just being nice so he could get me in this situation now, and succeed in another conquest. I hadn't exactly played hard to get. I'd made it easy for him. _Too_ easy. But then he'd been such a help to me these past few weeks. Helping me with my mom problems, and then going after Jasper and kicking his ass for hurting Alice. He threatened that if Jasper laid one more finger on Alice, he'd make sure Jasper never played football again. I'd never seen that side to him before. Protective. It was kind of sweet of him in a way. And Jasper absolutely deserved it. Just as I was thinking about how Alice would take it, I heard a tapping on my window. Someone was throwing rocks at it. And I knew who that someone was. I stepped off my bed, starting to shake like crazy. I took a deep breath and went to my window, opening it up and looking down. There he stood, in a white shirt, cut off at the elbows, and opened wide at the collar so I could see his bare, toned chest. He was wearing stylish jeans, that fitted him well, and had a Tulip in his hand.

"I'll come down and open the door" I whispered out to him, and he nodded. I crept downstairs, being careful so I didn't wake my mom and dad. Mom was still crashing in our house, in the spare room with Felix. Which made this more difficult. But I reached the door, and my hand hovered over the door handle reluctantly. Once I opened this door that was it. I would no longer be a virgin.

"Hi" He smiled flirtatiously, stood like a god at the door. He passed me the tulip, planting a kiss on my cheek.

"Hi" I said nervously as he stepped through the door. He grabbed hold of my hand, rubbing circles into the back of it as I lead him upstairs to my room. Luckily no one woke up, as we reached my room and I locked it behind me. My breathing started to get out of control, as he places his hands on my hips and pushed our bodies together, kissing me passionately again. The kissing got more messy, and the breathing heavy as he pulled me over to the bed and climbed on top of me, one hand still on my hips pulling me up to him, and the other cupping my face. He dragged his wet lips across down my neck and up to my ear.

"Are you sure?" He whispered, as I placed my hand on his chest and felt his heart beating really fast.

"Yes" I nodded anxiously, vibrating all over. He smiled sweetly at me, his eyes lovingly searching mine, as he gently pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear. I smiled back, as best I could, and then he leaned down and kissed me tenderly, slowly increasing to the messy, passionate kiss it was before. And that was it. The clothes came off. Our naked bodies bound together, moving together. He touched me down below before he entered me, and I felt a sharp, blinding pain course through my body. He moved slowly though, continuing to kiss my neck and lips, and stroking my hips. The pain didn't last for long, but it was a horrible pain.

"Are you ok?" He asked in between his heavy breathing. I nodded, as our moans and groans got louder.

When we were done he climbed out of my bed, leaving me wrapped in the sheets, and placed his white boxers back on, taking out a cigarette and going to my window.

"Do you want one?" He asked. I shook my head. I was still exhausted from the sex we'd just had, sweating profusely, and breathing heavily still. He looked so gorgeous, stood by my window, smoking, and contemplating what had just happened. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Eventually he turned to me and smiled, a sort of distant smile.

"So...is this something you would want to do again?" He asked, looking so serious, and brooding. I didn't even need to think about the answer.

"Yes" I said smiling wildly. Of course I did. Being with him was amazing, and I really felt myself falling for him. He smiled a little and then climbed back into bed, pulling our bodies together again. This time...it was much more sensual, and no pain whatsoever.

**Present day**

Thinking about that first time I slept with Edward was dangerous. It was the most wonderful experience of my life, and it all ended. I was married now, I shouldn't be thinking about another man that way. But I couldn't help it. I _wanted_ Edward. It was at this point that I wasn't sure if I'd even be leaving to go home tomorrow. I didn't actually know when I would leave. All I knew is that my time here...it wasn't over.


End file.
